Adult adolescents

A friend was telling me the other day about a book she’d read on recommendation from her son’s private Christian school. The basic premise of the book (unfortunately I can’t remember the title offhand) was that adolescence used to be something that occurred during a person’s teenage years and was usually over and done by about age 18 or 19. Then they’d move on into the adult world.

But now, according to the author, we have a world of adult adolescents … with their teenage years extending sometimes into their early 30’s until they finally grow up and function as adults.

I’d like to read this book just because it sounds like perhaps the author has thought through some issues that I’ve only recently become aware of, myself.

When my oldest daughter turned twenty several years ago, she was definitely well along the road to being a fully functional mature adult Christian woman. But the other young people at church were still essentially teenagers (even the ones we knew who were in their late 20’s and early 30’s). Even the ones who were married and doing things like going through seminary, were essentially having trouble navigating adult life because they really just wanted to sit around and play video games, drink beer, and hang out with their friends all day on the couch.

And it wasn’t just the young people at the church we attended at that time, either. It seemed to be pretty much across the board. My daughter has a number of school friends who’ve gone away to college and they end up seeing schoolwork and academics as secondary to partying and having fun. They’re basically majoring in “Having Fun.”

Whatever happened to the days when college kids worked hard to put themselves through school and made a huge effort to really learn something? The only thing these current kids seem interested in doing is continuing high school dynamics into their college setting (cliques, interpersonal drama, video games, etc.) … just throw in a little beer and a lot more freedom (and in some cases, a lot of beer). 😉

My daughter was visiting a friend on his campus, and she said that as evening came along, it was like the wild animals were let out of their cages. Nobody was studying or pursuing academics … they were just all yelling out their dorm windows and planning the next party.

I’m not saying all kids are like this (my daughter isn’t, for example), but I’ve definitely seen a change over the past 30 years of how “adult” young adults actually are. I got married at age 19 (which wasn’t the wisest thing to do, but that’s a whole ‘nother story), but when I look around me, I realize that even in the midst of our own stupidity and immaturity, my husband and I were really, honestly trying to make a go of it in the adult world. We paid our bills, worked hard, studied in school, limited the partying in favor of more important priorities (like homework and sleep and work schedules).

Yes, we were young and had fun, too, but we knew to balance the fun with the adult priorities of our lives. For example, my husband’s brother played in a band, and we’d frequently go dancing at whatever bar or club my brother-in-law was playing at … but we didn’t drink and drive, we didn’t stay out too late if we had to work the next day, and if we had a test at college, we’d pass on the dancing and bar-hopping all together.

My daughter and I have talked a lot about what’s wrong with the young people around her. She has a very difficult time finding young “adults” to befriend. Even amid the leadership in the college group at churches, many of them are still doing nothing more important with their lives than watching movies, playing video games, and taste-testing micro brews.

I have some thoughts about why this is happening, but this post has gotten long, so I’ll save some of my “why” thoughts for another day.